Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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