her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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