So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
