All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize