Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
