You just made me feel so damn special
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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