So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
