Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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