Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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