I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
