So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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