He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
