Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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