Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
