The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
