Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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