Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
