I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
