Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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