i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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