you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
