Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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