It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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