and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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