Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your cock deserves a montage
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
