Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he was CRYING into my vagina
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
