okay pat passed out under dana's car
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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