I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
