I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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