69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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