Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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