YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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