Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
