Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
