When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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