apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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