Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize