Whod you bang
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
People in love make me want to vomit
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
