Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont even know how to be here
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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