I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
