I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
