I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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