I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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