Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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