Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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