Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
