I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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