how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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