Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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