Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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