i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
