This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
