What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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