I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
