you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
