it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
