shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
