i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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