Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
