I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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