Please, let me fuck your mom
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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