i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
